Heartache and Heartbreak: The Healing

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Heartbreak at any age is not any easy feat to overcome, and often we tend to lose ourselves for a moment in time through this experience. With our own heartache, it is hard to see it objectively. I have known heartbreak, and I lost all sense of my self- I questioned who I was without this person, why I was not enough, if I could have done anything to have kept them around, or if there was anything I could do to get them back. I questioned if there would ever be anybody that could live up to the magnitude of the love I felt for this person, and I feared that any relationship that I entered after would be because I was settling.

you were a dragon long before
he came around and said
you could fly

you will remain a dragon
long after he’s left

To have questions like this going through your head on loop is damaging to your self-esteem and self-worth, and the journey back takes a lot of work. It was not until I have seen some of the closest people to me go through their own heartbreak that I was able to see it more objectively, and here is what I have taken from helping my loved ones find themselves when they felt lost:

Grieve, baby, grieve. When we experience heartache, it is like there is an unwritten rule that we must remain strong and pretend that we are not in pain. However, pain is apart of the human experience, and you cannot suppress the bad shit without suppressing all of the light and happiness that still surrounds you. You are not weak by allowing yourself to whole-heartedly feel the pain that has come from this loss, but rather there is power in being alright (in the general sense) with not being alright. It is important to remember that you are not alone with the way that you are feeling- the pain of a heartbreak is universal and something that we can all relate to. Rely on your loved ones for comfort, we’ve been there and you are not a burden. If you cannot whole-heartedly grieve and get it out of your being, then you will not be able to whole-heartedly move past it.

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, take your ex off of that pedestal. Because heartache and logic are not synonymous, we tend to put our ex’s on this unreachable pedestal after a breakup. I think one of the hardest parts of losing somebody is the idea that anybody that comes after them will not live up to the love that you two held, and that any relationship will just be settling. But the fact of the matter is that this person made a calculated decision that their life would benefit without you in it. If somebody that you gave yourself so wholly to is able to come up with that decision, then they are not worthy of the pedestal that you have sat them on. With all of the good memories that you two might hold together, do not forget that there is probably an equal amount (or more) of the bad, the fights, the jealousy. If you take on this mentality, then you are holding onto an idea of a person that does not exist (and nobody can live up to fiction).

you are in the habit
of co-depending
on people to
make up for what
you think you lack

who tricked you
into believing
another person
was meant to complete you
when the most they can do is complement

LOVE THY SELF. At the same time that you are allowing yourself to grieve, you cannot forget to love yourself. If you let those initial post-breakup questions take over your mind, then you are going to start questioning your self-worth. You. Are. More. Than. A. Bad. Breakup. Do not let it consume you, do not let it define you. It is undeniable that great love can bring us great pain but it is also love that will heal you. You must love yourself, be kind to yourself, and strive to better yourself during this period of grief. You must realise that your happiness did not, and does not, exist purely in the person that you lost. The way that you love yourself will mirror in your future relationships.

BECOME A BETTER YOU. Heartbreak is a learning process, an evaluation process, and a growing process that will make you a better you. Try new things, meet new people, and set attainable goals for yourself! It’s time to figure out who you are outside of your past relationship. Find things that make you happy, and surround yourself by people that make you feel great about who you are (and show the people that do not the door). You will learn how resilient and strong you actually are. You will have days that it feels like you will never come back from the heartache and it might feel like it is too much to bare any longer but then one day it will hurt a little less when you wake up. You will learn that you deserve more than a painful love, and you will realise that, that is what your heartache is. Painful love. It is a realisation that you will carry with you into future relationships, and you will be able to identify the toxicity of it more easily.

the world
gives you
so much pain
and here you are
making gold out of it

-there is nothing purer than that

*In blog poems from ‘Milk and Honey’ by Rupi Kaur


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